Four Years Ago Today...

Four years ago today, I was suposed to hold my newborn son.  I can believe I have typed this sentence out FOUR times now.  Now matter how long I will always have that whole in my heart.  Its just unbelievable how long its been, in a good and in a bad way.   It's getting easier every year to deal with this.  It's not that I dont think about him, its just not paralyszing anymore.  This milestone however is normally horribly upsetting to me, more so than even his birthday.  Maybe because it was supposed to be his REAL birthday, he is supposed to blow out birthday candles and stuff his face with cake and ice cream.  I feel like our family has been robbed. So far today has been OK, being swamped at work does have its advantages I suppose.

I love and miss you, Keller, always & forever - Mommy

Family Update

I can't believe i started this blog over 5 YEARS ago when we were expecting Johanna. She just had her 5th Birthday...how is that even possible??? I love looking back and reading old posts, all the things that have happened, some not so great but mostly good! With our growing family I have had less and less free time for this blog but also my mind is full of dinner, laundry, schedules and work that I simply forget about it. Facebook makes it really easy to post pictures so it's easy to forget about this. I am going to try once a month for an update...sounds reasonable right?

Like I said, Jo just had her 5th Birthday, she is so grown up and smart as can be. She is good to her brother and sister even though she and Emery get in fights more frequently now (Mostly instigated by Emery taking Johanna's stuff).  Johanna is pretty patient most times, but even she can only take so much.

Emery gets funnier and funnier every day. The stuff she says will make you double over. She told Dustin "whenever you get little and I get big you can live in my belly" She has the vocabulary of a 5 year old and she used it for sure. She has a really hard time listening to what we tell her to do and she is stubborn as a mule so that creates some conflict :) But she is a sweetheart, adores Johanna and smothers Micah.

Then there is Micah. Possibly the cutest baby who ever existed, he is a snuggler, give him a stuffed animal and he immediately will put it up to his check and cuddle it. He loves his blue blankie if it's within view he has to have it. We took it to his one-year photo shoot to have in a few pictures...it ended up in a lot of the pictures because he kept crying for it. He is also really good at temper tantrums. He gets so worked up where he starts banging his head against the wall or floor. We have to just put him in his bed, sometimes I fear he is going to hurt himself badly. I am hoping this is just a phase...

The most important thing is that everyone is healthy.  Dustin is feeling much better overall.  Micah just got over croup and is feeling fine.  Things could always be better but they can always be much much worse!

 

At The Pumpkin Patch This Fall

Micah's 1 Year Photos

Jojo

Emery

Micah's Birth Story

I know this is way late, but I wrote this up for his photo book and realized I never shared this before. 

This pregnancy was a little different than the girls’.   All in all it was a smooth pregnancy, it was monitored closely and nothing too worrisome ever showed up on any of my many ultrasounds.  But I gained less weight yet I looked much bigger than with either of the girls. The 37 week mark came and went, then the 38 and the 39 week mark.  I was getting increasingly uncomfortable, my fatigue, backaches and shortness of breath were getting too much.   It was decided that I would be induced Oct 3^rd, two days before my due date.  I checked into the hospital and when Dr. Moulton checked me he got a surprised look on his face, turns out I was already at 7 cm without ever being in active labor!  I decided on getting the Epi right away before getting the Pitocin,   I am not one of those people who feels the need to be in pain while giving birth.  Epidural was taken care of, Pitocin was given and then we waited….and waited.  The Pitocin was not working so around 12:30 it was decided to break my water.  After that the contractions started right away and they were strong and close together.  Not 25 minutes later I felt the need to push and the nurse came in to check me.  Sure enough I was complete and ready.    Micah was born at 1:10 pm weighing in at 8 lbs and 10 oz, 20 inches long, completely healthy and beautiful.  The girls are in love with him and so are Dustin and I.  Looking back inducing was the best decision I could have made.  Dr. Moulton said if my water had broken at home I may not have made it to the hospital.  We named him Micah Matthew Keller; Keller after his angel brother who is looking over all of us.

Three years ago today

Three year ago today I was supposed to hold my newborn son.  Funny thing is I didnt even realize it until a few minutes ago that is was the 21st.  I feel horribly guilty about it.  Now it's all I can think about and I still have half a day's worth of work left to do.   So many things have happened in the last month, mostly not great.  Dustin and I are just overwhelmed trying figure everything out from hospital bills to bedtime schedules.  Getting dinner on the table for the kids on time and keeping the house in a respectable condition has been a challenge.  When Micah was in the hospital a month ago his routine got so screwed up that he started waking up two times a night again and is just now starting to sleep through the night again.  I still can't believe that I forgot about Keller's due date though...I think he would understand, I know he is around and watches over us so he knows the chaos we deal with on a daily basis :)  I wish he was here to play with his sisters and brother, he would fit right in.   Johanna asks me about him sometimes and I tell her that he is her brother who went to heaven.  So far she seems satisfied with that answer.

BUT I dont want it to seem that we are unhappy. We are just simply tired and sometimes overwhelmed. We love our kids an wouldn't trade them for the world. They are happy which is all that matters. Johanna is doing great at school, doing Kindergarten work and beyond. Emery is loving daycare at Tiffany's and talking up a storm I think she uses better grammar than I do sometimes. Micah is growing and growing. He was sick this last week with hand foot mouth disease that he picked up at daycare. I know that will happen and there is nothing anyone can do about it but I hate seeing my babies sick. We took him to the Dr and he weighed in at a whopping 22.7 lbs at 8.5 months old. He is a tank! but we love it that way. He is a happy smiley baby. He still has a touch of reflux and doesn't like food though. You would know that looking at him, that's for sure. He loves his milk but just doesnt care for solids. He WILL eat the little puff snacks... i think he just wants to feed himself!

Micah Moo

Wow it's been a looong time. I have been simply overwhelmed with life. Most days I forget to eat breakfast in an attempt to get to work on time (never happens). So much has happened since my last post. The MAIN and most important thing that we welcomed out precious baby Micah into the world. He is nearly 6 months old now i can't believe how fast time flies.

Micah Matthew Keller Smith was born Oct 3rd by induction. He was 8lbs 10oz, 20 inches long, by far my biggest baby, nearly two pounds heavier than Emery! Johanna and Emery just love him to pieces. First thing Emery says every morning is "where Micah Moo?" Johanna wants to hold him all the time even though he is now getting too big. Johanna is both of the little ones' protector, no one messes with her babies :). I think that what makes me most proud of her.

While on maternity leave I started calling Micah "Micah Moo" and it's stuck, i have a feeling it will be his nickname for a while...even Johanna and Emery call him that now. Micah Moo is a tank, he loves to eat! He unfortunately has reflux like Emery but with meds it's not bad. Fortunately we found a pharmacy that know WTH they are doing, Walgreens can suck it. (if anyone is looking for a great pharmacy that does compounding, try Auburn) He sleeps through the night but usually has to be in his car seat or swing because of the reflux. Hey, I'll take it...after Emery this is an imense improvement.

I am so grateful for my three HEALTHY kids even though they drive me up the wall. So many wish to have what I have, just need to remember that when Emery dumps her milk out on the rug and Johanna freaks out about having to go to bed. I think about Keller and the bean a lot especially since we have had Micah. I wonder if they would have looked alike. I think so, since all of the kids look like Dustin and Keller did too even at that early stage. He looks down on them smiling I am sure.