One Year Ago Today.

One year ago today I was supposed to hold my newborn son. Instead his life was ended before it really began. He should be one year old today. I have been reliving the experience of losing him in my head over and over in the last few days and it brings me to tears. Thinking of things I would do differently thing s that would have made him stay with us. I come up empty and I know there is nothing I could have done. I miss him so much and I think of what our life would be like with him here with us. The most confusing thing about this is that if we hadn’t lost him we wouldn’t have our Emery, our beautiful baby-girl. She brings so much joy into our lives and we feel so blessed to have our girls but Keller will always be missed.