Four Years Ago Today...

Four years ago today, I was suposed to hold my newborn son.  I can believe I have typed this sentence out FOUR times now.  Now matter how long I will always have that whole in my heart.  Its just unbelievable how long its been, in a good and in a bad way.   It's getting easier every year to deal with this.  It's not that I dont think about him, its just not paralyszing anymore.  This milestone however is normally horribly upsetting to me, more so than even his birthday.  Maybe because it was supposed to be his REAL birthday, he is supposed to blow out birthday candles and stuff his face with cake and ice cream.  I feel like our family has been robbed. So far today has been OK, being swamped at work does have its advantages I suppose.

I love and miss you, Keller, always & forever - Mommy