Two Years ago Today

Two year ago today I was supposed to hold my newborn son. It's ironic to me that this day coincides with the beginning of Summer, not feeling so summery at the moment.
He should be two years old today. I still miss him so much and I think of what our life would be like with him here with us as a toddler.
We feel very blessed to have our girls and this new baby on the way. I really believe Keller watches out for all of them and is their guardian Angel! Keller will always be missed, and never forgotten.

the last few months

It's has been so long since I last posted, life has gotten in the way! it doesnt' help that out laptop broke down either!

Nothing too major has happened in tha last couple months, the girls are growing and so is baby (and my belly ) ! I am at 24 weeks now, YAY. We are having a boy this time so we are VERY excited, but it also brings back some memories of Keller. I have been getting ultra sounds every two weeks and he is looking great and always has a strong heartbeat. He is moving a lot now, I love that feeling:

I also started makign hair bows for the girls (at this point mostly for Johanna). I decided to sell them and I have sold a few already. I like making things, it relaxes me after running around and working all day. I wish there were more hours in the day! Between work, kids, cleaning house and the bows I need at least 30!

Our Emery is growing up!

Emery went to her One -Year check up a few days ago. Dr Blum was very happy with her but thought she may be a little spoiled...No way. Also he thought she looked a little mal-nourished ;) She is hitting all her mile-stones on time or ahead of time! She is saying a few words, like "hello" (sounds like "herra"), she said "all gone" yesterday. She waves, gives kisses, blows kisses. She can stand by herself and has taken two steps. She hasn't really tried to walk anymore than that but that’s OK, she is taking her time with walking like Johanna did. She may be the only baby I know that is more smiley than Johanna was. Her sleeping habits could be better but we are working on it. She will sleep from about 8pm to 4am am most nights. Sometimes she'll sleep all the way to 6 sometimes she'll wake up more than once. But nonetheless she is an absolute joy!

Emery's Stats:

Weight: 24 lbs 12.3 oz = 92nd %ile

Length: 30" = 74th %ile

Head: 18.7" = 96th %ile

Happy First Birthday Emery!

What a great Birthday Party. Emery had a blast , especially eating her cake!

Emery giving daddy raspberries!

Happy 2nd Birthday in Heaven

Yesterday marked Keller's 2nd Birthday. I still miss him every day but his birthday and his due date are the worst. I think about what could have been, what he would be like, what milestones he would be passing right now. If had been born on his due date he would be about 19 month old now. I also think about what I could have differently, to change what happened. Probably nothing but part of me will alway wonder why I couldn't keep him safe.

Thank you to all my friends and family for your support during these difficult times. I don't know if these days will get easier with time or not but I will never forget my first baby boy.

We miss you and love you, Keller. Part of us will always be missing, but I know you are in a good place. Thanks for looking out for Emery when I had that big scare while I was pregnant. and thanks for helping me find my wedding ring ;) I love you so much, XOXO Mommy

Blanket my mom gave me yesterday

10 Months old!!!

Can't believe Emery is 10 months! Almost time to start planningher first Birthday Party! In the last month Emery has made leaps and bounds as far as development goes. She is a speed crawler, can't let her out of my sight even for a second or she is on the other side of the room trying to climb the stairs. She will climb all the way up the stairs without help if we let her (with me or Dustin close behind of course). She pulls up one everything and prefers standing to sitting. She can also walk with her walker or holding on to things. She babbles a lot and makes it known when she is not happy!! She is trying new foods all the time and is starting to reject baby food. She really wanted some of my lasagna yesterday!! Other than that she is still fighting her ear infection which has moved to the other ear. She started a second round of antibiotics on Tuesday so we are hoping that will knock it out finally. She can't have any dairy within 2 hours of taking that medication which is why I couldn't give her any lasagna. She was pretty pissed :( . Mushed up veggies just aren't the same.

Johanna is also amazing me with her strides she is growing up so fast. Yesterday I picked her up from school as as we were leaving she held the door open for a lady coming in. I did not tell her to do it, she just did. The lady looked stunned and complemented her on how sweet and helpful she was. Johanna was beaming all the way home and so was I. She truly loves to help. All the other kids' parents always tell me how sweet and polite Johanna is, and it makes me so proud! Dustin and I are truly lucky to have such amazing kids!